Style, whatever that is... (pt.2)

Back by popular demand, my musings on style and things like that. Mind you, I’m no expert and I rarely claim myself to be. This is just what I think, again.

• I hate to reiterate this, but there will never be a “new black.” Learn this, and live with it.
• Wearing a captain’s hat in public is not ok. Unless you’re an actual ship captain in full ship captain garb. If you’re not, you look like huge douchebag.
• Shiny, sequined, embellished button down shirts, like those you get at The Buckle, are not okay. If I seriously have to explain this, stop reading this and go home.
• Don’t wear hats like Pharrell. He doesn’t look good in them. You won’t either.
• Merino wool is a good material for sweaters. It’s better than cheaply-made cashmere. Do with this information as you may.
• If you wear a double-breasted suit or jacket, never unbutton it unless you’re taking it off. Otherwise, you will look like a classless bum. Don’t be a classless bum. 
• Don’t roll up your jeans unless you are in a situation that would actually require such a thing (Read: swamps, flooding, etc.). Wait, don’t roll up your jeans. Just don’t.
• A long fur coat looks better on Game of Thrones than it does on you. Rappers included. Old ladies included.
• Collared shirts that button down (all the way) with snaps instead of buttons are trashy. Yeah, I said it. Snaps should be reserved to certain sorts of henleys, children's clothing, and hospital robes. 
• Men, a white wool topcoat makes you look like a very obvious drug dealer. Don't be an obvious drug dealer. 
• Suspenders look better with a suit than a belt does. However, if your suit fits, you don't necessarily need either a belt or suspenders. If your suit doesn't fit well, get a new suit you gutter monkey.
• Square-toed shoes. If you own them, throw them away. If you are considering buying them, don’t buy them.
• If questioning the matter of wearing a tie, wear a tie. There’s nothing wrong with being the best put-together person in a room, unless you’re at a country concert. Don’t wear a tie to a country concert.
• Invest in good shoes. Please note that comfort and stylish are in no way exclusive of each other.  That being said, if you wear velcro with a suit, I hope someone slaps the shit out of you.
• If your jacket or shirt is missing a button, don’t wear it you hapless tramp. Take some time to learn how to sew a button back on to a garment. It’s worth it.
• If your belt buckle has a logo or a monogram on it, get a new belt. Just go get a new belt. Just go. Go. 
• Have a slim fit suit? Get a slim fit shirt, it looks better. If you're fat, don't purchase any either of these. 
• Professors don’t wear tweed suits anymore. Interpret that how you will. I still think tweed jackets are okay, though. Fuck me, right?
• One last thing, that I feel I have to reiterate; Do not wear sneakers with your suit. Don’t. Stop it. Even if GQ tells you that it’s okay. You look childish and derelict.